November brings a challenge of sharing something you are thankful for each day.While I would love to commit to blogging daily I know that is not realistic for me. I will try to post some thoughts on gratitude at least once a week though.
The past couple months have been very difficult for me. Now that I think about it, I’ve been saying that for almost 2 years now. It is hard to worship instead of whine when we are in a time of frustration and constant struggle. I’m trying though.
I have been so overwhelmed and just had more going on than I can handle – work related especially. I feel like I’m wasting my life away and not really focusing on what I’m supposed to be doing or what makes me happy. I have this restlessness and constant feeling of not being satisfied or content. I feel like I can’t rest or take a break and that I will never catch up.
I have just been so aggravated lately that I’m about at the edge of my sanity. Today was one of those days where every project I worked on just did not go as planned, nothing was working right and everything just took me way longer than it should have. I was frustrated with my work, myself and life in general. I was literally in tears over it.
I decided to step back and take a break from the computer and try again later when I wasn’t so upset. I noticed the two 6×9 padded envelopes sitting on my desk that needed attention. I purchased these to send Christmas gifts to my two children I sponsor through World Vision. (I really wish we could send bigger packages, you cannot get hardly anything in a 6×9 envelope…)
As I was cramming all I could into those two little envelopes, I couldn’t help but be humbled. I mean these kids have nothing and they will probably be thrilled to get this little envelope crammed with a few dollar store items like colored pencils, hair bows, a yo-yo, notepads and stickers.
And then I lost it, just absolutely lost it. Ugly, snotty nosed, wailing so loud that it’s a wonder the neighbor’s didn’t hear me crying and call the police, lost it…
Look at these beautiful children, so innocent, so needy, so not even aware of all the things that I take for granted every day.
I say I am grateful but in reality I take so much for granted. I get caught up in my own little world. I get caught up in just trying to make enough money to pay my bills. I get so caught up in not wanting to let anyone down. I get caught up in taking care of my to-do list and tackling the next project. I stay so “caught up” that I don’t know whether I am coming or going some days.
I have a roof over my head, a nice car in my garage, more clothes than I could ever wear. I have air conditioning and heat, I have nice furniture, an education and more electronic gadgets than one person should own. I live in the land of great opportunities. Most of all I have the grace & love of God, a wonderful (but definitely not perfect) family and many great friends.
And I take it for granted every single day without meaning to as I continue to allow myself to be “caught up” in all those things that don’t really matter in the end. As I look at Esperanca & Happy’s faces, I am so deeply humbled that it hurts deep into my soul. I am reminded to be grateful and not take my richly blessed life for granted.
My prayer tonight is: “Father above I pray you remind me of this feeling anytime I get “caught up” in things that don’t matter, anytime I get frustrated and overwhelmed and feel like I can’t handle it all anymore. I also pray for these children and all the others across the world that you will bless them and keep them safe and bring them to knowing and having a relationship with you.”
(As a side note if you have ever considered sponsoring a child, please do it! It is so rewarding and costs only a dollar a day and will change not only your sponsored child’s life but your own too! You can sponsor with just the monthly donation or you can also send gifts and communicate with them, it’s up to you! I will try to share my World Vision story later.)