A couple months ago I applied to be part of a 6 month blogger program with a well known health & weight loss company. I really wanted to be chosen for this program. There were 50 spots and almost 300 bloggers who applied so I knew my chances were slim. I wrote a really long post for my application about my struggle to lose weight and how I was ready to make a change.
I submitted my application and I waited. When the list of selected bloggers was announced and my name wasn’t on the list, I was really upset. I actually cried. I know it sounds silly, but I really wanted this opportunity. I thought having a weight loss program, a support network and accountability of having to post on my blog each month would be the solution for my struggle to lose weight.
Struggle… That is exactly what my experience with weight loss has been for the past 18 years. Yes I said 18 years. I went on my first “diet” when I was 13 years old. Since then I have been on more diets than I can count. Name it & I’ve tried it (and probably more than once). I have tried healthy diets, not so healthy diets, weight loss programs, weight loss clinics, even pills and drops. I have lost weight only to gain it back and more each time usually.
I keep saying I just can’t find a diet that works for me. The problem is that diet’s don’t work. They might at first, but you have to change your lifestyle and your eating style and most of all your “thinking” style.
A lot of people don’t understand it. They eat to eat and nothing more, but not me. Food and I have had a rocky relationship for as far back as I remember.
I love food, I love to eat. I love the smell, the texture, the taste, the feeling of being full and satisfied. It’s a control thing to me. When everything else in my life is feeling crazy or out of control, when I am lacking in another area, when I am frustrated about something that I can’t change, when someone is mad at me, when I am mad at myself, when there isn’t enough $ to do the extra things I want to do, when everyone has someone to turn to and I don’t, when I am bored and have nothing to do… Food is the one thing that is always there and is the one thing I can control.
Food is my drug, it is my alcohol, it is my addiction. I actually think being addicted to eating or having an eating disorder of any kind is as bad if not worse than other kinds of addictions. If you are a drug addict you can go through rehab and you can avoid places, people and triggers of that drug. You can’t avoid food and eating though. You have to eat to live. It takes much more to control your eating addictions and disorders and it is much easier to relapse.
“Don’t dig your grave with your own knife and fork.” ~English Proverb
After the disappointment of not being chosen for the blogging weight loss program, I started looking at other weight loss programs. There are so many out there and I have tried so many of them over the past 18 years. I need to try something new. I need a lifestyle change.
I need to give my health more priority. I tend to stay so focused on working, building my businesses and making sure the bills are paid that everything else gets out of balance.
For the past month I have been implementing a lot of changes. I am changing how I eat and I have even started exercising. If you know me at all you would be shocked at that piece of information. I do not like to exercise. I do not like to sweat. I do not like sticking to a schedule. But I am exercising, I am sweating and I am working out at least 3-4 days a week now. I have found that I really like jogging. I am looking for a used treadmill so I can walk/ jog any time I want to.
I have only lost about 8 pounds in the past month but I already feel better. I’m taking that control freak part of eating and channeling it into learning to eat healthier foods and smaller portions. I have been making new, healthier recipes too.
What I am learning through all of this is that it’s not really about losing weight. It’s not about being thin or a certain size. It’s not really even about being healthier. It’s not about what the number on the scale is. I am actually only weighing myself once a month. It’s about getting back to the “best” me that God created me to be. It’s about shedding extra weight from all areas in my life, shedding stress, pressure, clutter, bad habits and patterns.
I’m not really focused on losing weight. I’m focused on finding my better self…
If you can relate to my struggle, let me encourage you to shift your thinking. Stop focusing on the scale and the number on your clothing tags. Start focusing on getting your life back in balance and on improving yourself so you can be the best “you” and make the most of the talents, time and body that God has given you!
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
What about you? Do you struggle with losing weight? Do you or someone you know deal with an eating disorder? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below!
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